There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
