i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
