i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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