You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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