Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
