I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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