WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
