She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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