At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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