youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
