I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
