toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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