If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
