I wannas sexs uuuuu
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
birth control should be required to get into college
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
