Just cropdusted the office
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
