Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
