Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
