Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
