I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
