Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
