My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
