I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
