the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
