someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
