i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
