He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
