girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vagina is officially offended.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
