He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
