So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The adults are the big ones right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
