as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
