I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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