It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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