I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
