5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
