pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
