I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
