Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
