Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
