people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
