I'm eating all of the evidence.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
