How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
