ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
