So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
