girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
