Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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