We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
