Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
