highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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