im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
