I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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